A bad experience of going out
Have you ever gone out with your family to celebrate your holiday? It must be interesting especially when everyone get together to do somethings or some activities. Last year my family and I went to see the orchid exhibition, but I don't like that experience of going out.
On that day when we start to take out, there is something happened. First, there was some problem with the car and it couldn't start. We wasted one hour until is could drive normally. But it was not the only and bad things. On the way we found we are lost. My family started to complain with eace other. Finally we got there, but much time was already wasted and everyone all got a little angry.
By the time we arrived at the exhibition. There were too much car to drive into the parking lot. We spent much time to find the parking place. When we found one, it's so far from the entrance of the exhibition. At the meanwhile, Mother went to buy the tickets. Unfortunately there were still a lot of people waiting to buy the tickets too. Everything was so terrible and all of us felt a little tired.
Afterward we went inside the exhibition. I can't believe what I see. "People mountain, people sea". There wew too much people and we can't relax and enjoy it. Horrible environment, terrible air condition all let us feel bad.
When we got home, we all felt very tired. Although the orchid were so beautiful, I dno't want this kind of experience anymore.
posted by wei @ 5:43 PM
2 Comments:
At 5:52 AM,
Yuhsiuwriting said…
The whole text reads fluent and understadable. You are quite good at writing narrative texts. Pay more attention to the use of tense and plural/single forms.
Have you ever go out with your family to celerbate your holiday?
-->Have you ever gone...
Next year -->Last year
On that day when we start to take out, there is something happened.
--> things went wrong from the very beginning.
The car has some problem and can't drive.
-->First, there was some problem with the car and it couldn't start.
We waste one hour enough until is could drive normally.
-->We wasted one hour until it ...
But it is not the only and bad things.-->It was not the only bad thing.
On the way we found we are lost-->past tense
but is already wasted much time
-->much time was already wasted
There is too much car to drive into the parking lot.
-->There were too many cars in...
When we found, it's so far from the entrance of the exhibition.
-->When we finally found one, ...
mother-->Mother
ticket-->tickets
there is still a lot people waited to buy the ticket too
-->there were a lot of people waiting...
Everything is so terrible -->was
People mountain people sea.
-->There was only one Chinese idiom for this: 'People moutain, people sea'. The place was full of people.
There is too many people and we can't enjoy it relaxed.-->There were ...we couldn't relax and enjoy it.
let us felt -->let us feel
Although the orchid is so beautiful, but I dno't want this kind of experience anymore.
-->Although the orchids were..., I don't...
-->Choose either 'although' or 'but' in one sentence
At 5:54 AM,
Yuhsiuwriting said…
understadable-->understandable
celerbate -->celebrate
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